The Ghosts Among Us

Grief is everywhere. Whether we are aware of it or not, the bereaved walk among us each day, every day, their hearts and spirits searing with an ache that we cannot see or know but that feels to them like the weight of a thousand bricks.

Some of them we do know-- those whose loss happened recently and is being talked about around town, at church, in the grocery store, at the office. And those whose loss we might be close to personally, close enough that even though the death might have occurred long since yesterday we know the griever still carries great pain. For these bereaved, we might even carry a pain of our own.

Then there are all the grievers whom we don't know. We haven't heard their story on the news. We aren't their friend, or acquaintance, coworker or neighbor. In a sense, to us in our unaware-ness, these are the bereaved who don't exist. They are living ghosts among us, visible to us physically but specters in their inner struggle to make their way through the corporeal world in which they must exist.

And they do exist. They exist with deep sorrow. Anger. Regret. Guilt. Confusion. Depression. Feelings upon feelings they hide behind masks worn to protect their own selves from their emotional turmoil. Masks they wear to protect all the people around them, the people they are sure--and often rightly so--do not want to know about their suffering. The people who, if they did know, would kindly want them, expect them, to "move on."

Many of us are afraid of ghosts. Even more of us are afraid of grief. Grief is painful. Sore. Hollow. And most frightening of all, grief will one day strike us. Better to turn away from grief when we hear of it lest we be reminded that inevitably we ourselves will one day be bereaved. That we, too, will become the ghosts that no one sees.

It's ok to be afraid of grief. But consider that even in fear there is a gift you can give to these unseen souls: be aware. Remember them. Know they are there. It will change the way you respond to the gruff clerk at the post office, the annoyed customer, the impatient support tech. These are so often the kinds of masks worn by the bereaved. Whether they speak of their grief to you is irrelevant. A simple kindness offered-- a smile, a friendly word--will let them know they are not forgotten.